Category Archives: Sex Education

Why Women love Dom / Sub Relationships

Why do Women love to be Submissive in bed?

Studies have shown that over 60% of women enjoy being dominated. Yet, it’s still fairly taboo to talk about it publicly.

In last month’s kink education topic we discussed some history as it relates to Femdom culture and how to find a good Dominatrix. It seems only natural that this month we move our focus into gaining more perspective and insights into what it really means to be a submissive. In specific, why do women enjoy playing the submissive role with men in the bedroom?

This is not your typical Fifty Shades of Grey portrayal of what, at times, can be quite a disturbing kink when lines of consent get blurred and people are not confident in their respective roles they play. Public figures such as Marilyn Manson have been accused of taking the Dominant role too far with various actresses in Hollywood. While those claims are yet to be proven true it is an important reminder as to how important it is to be safe and consensual when it comes to adult sex acts.

Being a good submissive means you have a profound understanding and are 100% comfortable giving away your power to your Man. Our findings on this topic may surprise you. Read on to get an in-depth understanding of this fetish. This may be the kink you would like to try when you are equipped with the proper information. Maybe you are a submissive wife to your husband? Or, you are a man looking for ways to explore being dominant in sex play with your partner? You can let us know by the end of this article.

What’s the nature of dominant/submissive relationships?

1. How Do Dominant/Submissive Relationships work?
2. What are some popular submissive games to play?
3. What Famous People are into BDSM?

1. How Do Dominant/Submissive Relationships work?

There are a few key ways to describe Dom/sub-roles. It is very important to understand the language of any culture that is new or that you want to discover. The original word for a Dominant male is “Dominator” and this stems back in time from the Latin word. While this word is no longer in popular use it refers to a man being in control over both men/women.

Now men commonly go by D, Dom, or Dominant in roleplay. In BDSM text itself, the Dominant word is often capitalized to express power over the submissive word which is usually written in lowercase letters to symbolize that relationships power dynamic.

Abbreviated it looks like D/s. This stands for Dominant (D) and submissive (s).

For example, someone online dating might say: “I’m a D looking for an s….”

Translated this says “I’m a Dominant looking for a submissive…”

The submissive gives all power to the Dominant. One is above the other, similar to a hierarchy position of power. The difference here is that being a Dominant does not give you an excuse to be exploitative/abusive. This should not be, but is, often confused with the original “Master/Slave” relationship dynamics. Masters exploited slaves of various races for centuries, it’s actually where BDSM has deeply seeded roots. People were forced into these slave roles whether they liked it or not. The biggest difference in Modern-day Master/Slave roleplay is that while you are each in your respective role 24/7, it is a full-time lifestyle in and out of the bedroom with consent. This also serves as a great distinction between simply being in Dominant/submissive roleplay scenes. Scenes in kink are not 24/7, they end when the roleplay has ended.

Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade, Source: Britannica

Marquis de Sade (pictured above) is an excellent yet equally terrifying example of what not to do in order to remain in a safe/consensual Dominant role with a submissive. Whether it be in fantasy or in a real-life scene his mind is a truly terrible thing to taste. Marquis was a French nobleman, philosopher, politician, writer, and most notably, a Sadist.

He was around from the mid-1700s until 1814 when he died in a mental asylum in France. His name “Sade” is where the term Sadist was derived from. His literary works were also banned in France until 1957. In one of Sade’s most popular books The 120 Day of Sodom he tells a story about 4 wealthy men who enslave 24 underage girls. These men proceeded to torture these girls sexually for the entiry of the book. Feces become involved at various points as well. Everything that is not safe play is written about ad nauseum in his work.

Sade is notable because it goes to show you how we as humans have evolved since these much darker times when it comes to kinky play. The keyword here is “play”, meant to be enjoyable for both parties, not one-sided. BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) has now become a community both just as large and sought after online as it is in real life. Turning torture, submission, slavery, dominance, and pain into something that can now be enjoyed with safe words to assert personal/physical boundaries when things go to far.

Submissive games are an excellent way to flex your dominant muscle or to capitulate to your partner as a female sub. Not all submissive games are created equal, you can enjoy sexual play or mental dominance equally. It all depends on the mood you are in.

Orgasm Denial

This is where your partner does not allow you to orgasm. Bringing an individual so close to orgasm only to stop all sexual play without any notice until it is decided that you can have receive more pleasure by your partner.

Walking on a Leash

In this position, the Dominant will walk their sub on a leash using a collar which is attached to their neck. This can be done both in private/public to add to the humiliation level. Add a fetish dog mask to take it to a higher kink level and get more into the respective roles. You can find a lot of BDSM toys such as this one by doing a quick search on Amazon to order things more discreetly.

Bondage

You can use either rope, silk/satin scarves, or chains to tie up your submissive. Tie them to a bedpost, chair, or a wall if you like then take a break, walk away and leave the house. Come back to them begging you to be released so the tension is high and more pleasurable acts can ensue.

Did these three ideas not pique your interest? There’s a much longer list of ideas you can find in the 23 ways to punish your partner article. These ideas are sure to keep you mixing things up in your roleplay scenes. Keep in mind that you do not always need a partner in person to play out scenes with. Sexting is also an excellent option when you are newer (or novice) to exploring kink and a safe way to get better acquainted with these types of acts. Also, if you cannot find the perfect submissive to act out scenes with playing them out digitally can also satisfy sexual satisfaction.

Madonna released from bondage Source: Sex Book 1992

3. What Famous People are into BDSM?

From your everyday office worker to rock stars, BDSM has no bounds (pun intended) when it comes to the types of people into this lifestyle. Here are a few celebrities and their kink fascination when it comes to playing into the submissive or dominant role.

Dave Navarro: The lead guitarist in Janes Addiction is known for making a guitar strap to bind his partners with. He is also very active in the Los Angeles Kink community, often seen rigging himself from ceilings and hanging from his own skin on meat hooks.

Source: Karen Wiehl

Armie Hammer: Before he was accused of being into cannibalism, Armie Hammer admitted to being dominant, liking to pull hair, and even choking his former wife. He also noted that he would wear his mask from the “Lone Ranger” film with her during sexual encounters.

Source: Vanity Fair

Lady Gaga: In an interview when speaking about her ex-boyfriend Taylor Kinney Lady Gaga reveals that she likes to play the submissive role when she is not on stage. It’s not uncommon to have a very powerful woman enjoy leaning into her submissive side when she is not in her high-powered role in her professional life. The exact same can be said for men in high-power positions at work.

Source: Tumblr

We always love hearing from our readers’ perspectives. Let us know why you enjoy being a submissive woman or a dominant man. Do you enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey or loathe it? Does the history of Marquis de Sade turn you off from BDSM altogether? Would you like to hear more about this topic? Let your voice be heard in the comments section below. Be sure to follow us on our respective Social Media Channels for daily updates. Stay kinky!

Additionally, there are some excellent sources from the research we did on this topic below to give you more insights.

Sources:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/11/03/study-up-to-60-percent-of-women-fantasize-about-being-dominated/
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2015/02/consent-isnt-enough-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/385267/ 
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychological-aspects-of-bdsm-0606124

What is Femdom and why Men submit to a Dominatrix

What is Femdom and why Men submit to a Dominatrix

Men have enjoyed worshipping Women for centuries. Whether that be chatting online or on their knees in a Dungeon, Female Domination is a very powerful kink that has been around since Aristotle.

Pictured above Arousr Chat Host Queen Roberta: Profile

You can see very early drawn depictions of a woman riding him through his courtyard. If a master visionary of his time eons ago knew how to give in to the power of females then he must have really been an intellectual.

  1. What is Femdom according to Pop Culture
  2. How to find a Femdom
  3. Safe Ways to Explore Being A Submissive

According to Aychsa White from The Link, Men who submit to Women do not get enough of a voice in society. They are far too often seen as weak due to the fact that they enjoy being dominated and don’t feed into the typical Alpha stereotypes. This could not be further from the truth and is an incredibly reductive way to see gender role reversal play. Let’s dig into a little Dominatrix history today and let you be the judge as to whether or not you would be the perfect candidate to surrender complete control and submit to a Domme.

What is Femdom according to Pop Culture

Females being worshipped as Domme’s started showing up in popular films in the early 1960s but they have been recorded since ancient Egypt hieroglyphic depictions. How do we celebrate and glamorize people playing roles in modern-day? We make movies about them. Here are a few notable movie stars who have played a Dominatrix over the past few decades you probably remember.

Turin Erotic Papyrus

Barb Wire, released in 1996 features an international sex symbol of that era, Pamela Anderson. In this film, she plays a bounty hunter who during a scene poses as a Domme in order to capture a bad guy. Throughout the entire film, however, she is donning various skin-tight leather-clad outfits that harkens back to being a lifestyle Domme.

Not long after Bride of Chucky was released in 1998 starring cult movie favorite Jennifer Tilly who plays Chucky’s girlfriend. She dresses up in full domme corset and glove attire lures a man into her home to handcuff him to her bed.

Then infamously in Mr. and Mrs. Smith in 2005, Angelina Jolie poses as a Dominatrix to gain access to a Saudi Sheek. In that scene, she is dressed up in full PVC and fishnet attire. It’s one of the most re-watched scenes in that movie. Also, Not too far off from a recent real life story that was shared when we had a chat with Fetish model/Domme Masuimi Max about the subject of women being in control of Men.

Sex advocate Amber Rose has also been quoted stating that she most enjoys toying with rich and powerful men to make them submit to her feminine wiles.

How to find a Femdom

There may seemingly be too many options for you to choose from when it comes to finding someone to roleplay with online. The internet is a highly saturated place to be these days in any genre. However, there are a few key qualities one should look for before submitting to a Domme. This is a surefire way to make sure you are not trying to explore submission with someone whose heart really isn’t into this kind of kink due to their lack of knowledge/experience.

Safe words – This is very important to establish before you get into any kink play. For Example: Pick a word such as “Red” and use that word whenever you feel that things are going past your comfort level. Establish your boundaries by always using this safeword between you and your Domme. Any experienced Domme is going to ask you this before you get into play of any sort.

They Tell, They Don’t Ask! – A real Domme will never ask you for permission or your advice. They will always be directing the scene you are in. This means you are giving up all control to her. You go where she tells you, you do as she says, without any excuses.

Submissive training – When you make a mistake your Domme will punish you. She will not let you fall out of line and get away with it. Ever.

Safe Ways to Explore Being a Submissive

The best way to start exploring a new kink is to start watching videos about it. Some of the movies listed above are great more PG ways to see if this may peak your interest without compromising your browser history. If you find that being submissive trigger you, in a good way, I highly suggest you delve a little bit deeper next into erotic stories. We have an excellent one a Chat Host Expert wrote recently about training her submissive. Reading Erotica helps you use your own imagination and not solely rely on hardcore porn sites/images to be stimulated mentally. We all know that mental stimulation naturally leads to physical pleasure.

Another excellent option after you’ve read enough Erotica to make you hot and bothered is to Sext anonymously. The fact that you don’t have to see anyone when you’re new to exploring the kink world (or not so new) is a way for you to release any anxiety around it. You feel less put on the spot to act out orders and you can more quietly submit to them in your mind.

If you’re feeling bold and comfortable in your new role as a Submissive you can move into video chats from the safety, comfort, and discretion of your own home. There are now just as many perfectly qualified Internet Domme’s as there are in real Dungeons these days.

About the Author: Femme Fatale

Femme Fatale is the Media Manager, Brand Ambassador, and Writer for Arousr

Pro Domme ‘Chanteuse’ Divulges Her BDSM Preferences

We recently sat down with Arousr Chat Host Chanteuse for an interview about BDSM, Feminization, and being secretly submissive.

August was Sissification month on Arousr as we did a deep dive on this kink topic to help demystify any stigmas that may still be associated with it. We also want to get a female perspective on how it feels to Sissify a man.

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Men Discuss Why Sissification Turns Them On

Men Discuss Why Sissification Turns Them On

Hello Kinky friends! In our last post, we gave you a kink education on what exactly Sissification is and its origins as a male fetish within our society. Now that we have you up to speed on the dirty details around this fetish topic of the month we would like to share some of our Member’ opinions on what exactly about Sissification turns them on.

Here are two interviews below with our long-time Arousr members to gain some insight on this very unique fetish and how it relates to sexting as well as our takes on their answers.

Arousr Member: Anonexpres

Q: When and also, how did you discover you were into Sissification roleplay?
A: It began with a curious itch. I bought myself some clothes one day, wore them, and the rest is history.

Q: What is it about this fetish that turns you on personally?
A: I like the feel of the feminine fabric and how tight it feels against my skin.

Q: What is the most misunderstood thing about men like yourself who enjoy Sissification?
A: I’d have to say that people mistake “sissification” as an indication of a man’s willingness to feminize oneself (or to become transgender for some). While in some cases, that may prove true, wearing feminine clothing can be a fetish and a fetish alone.

Q: Do you prefer sexting about Sissification to playing it out in real life with a partner? Why?
A: I prefer to sext about it. I’m too ashamed to play out any sort of fantasy with another person.

Q: If you had to choose between panties/high heels which one would you pick?
A: Panties; High heels offer nothing to me besides sore feet and panties feel nice around my penis.

What stands out to us about Anonexpres’s interview is the fact that he prefers to sext during a Sissification roleplay session over real-life roleplay scenarios. We’ve noticed this trend among all the male members we interviewed about this kink. The fact that he himself feels shame around this subject, too much shame to actually have these conversations in his real-life shows us that creating a safe space for men to be more vulnerable with their kinks is incredibly important. When men are forced to repress their sexuality it only creates more underlying stress which ends up getting misdirected to other areas of their lives. Unfortunately, most men are not even aware of this. So many of life’s daily stresses can be alleviated when we have a healthy outlet to release them.

Would Sissification be more widely discussed and even (dare we say) mainstream if it wasn’t shamed by society? We think so! There are a lot more men than would like to admit that they are into this style of fetish play purely out of fear-based on societal judgment. Whether that be their colleagues at work or their partner in bed. Many men, solely due to personal/public scrutiny may never allow themselves to explore Sissification to see if it’s a kinky escape for them to get lost in for a little while. This probably stems from the fact that being a woman has not been seen as a strength for the past hundred decades. Therefore, a man wanting to dress up like a woman is seen as even weaker instead of being seen as a kind of hot!

Arousr Member: Wesley87

Q: When and also, how did you discover you were into Sissification roleplay?
A: A girl I once dated turned me on.

Q: Do you prefer sexting about Sissification to playing it out in real life with a partner? Why?
A: I prefer being with a real partner. The energy is just different having someone touching you, feeling them breathing on you, and whatnot

Q: If you had to choose between panties/high heels which one would you pick?
A: That’s a tough one, I’m kinda a big dude so I’ll probably break something in heels. Maybe panties then lol

We appreciate that Arousr member Wesley87 is brave enough to let his freak flag fly with his partners in real life. He had very little shame around this subject in our interview. Wesley comes across to us as your more typical Alpha male in his everyday real life. Yet, behind closed doors, he enjoys getting kinky and roleplaying by wearing women lingerie. We were happy to see how comfortable he was talking about the subject of Sissification with us.

Our Closing Thoughts on Sissification Roleplay

What we have noticed is that Sissification is inherently very unique to each one of its roleplayers. There is no set mold for the type of man who may be turned on by being feminized. Some are more masculine and seek an escape from their hetero-normative lifestyles. Other men fall more on the beta side and enjoy being pushed into submission by a strong female figure. However, neither of these things have anything to do with being gay or wanting to transition into a woman. It’s about feeling hot in women attire and taking a walk in a feminized shoe for a change of pace. Being a Sissy is a temporary mental state where a man can be a man, and release his masculine power to a woman. The clothing and other forms of dress that are more ladylike turn men on because it lets them know what it’s like to be a woman and there is absolutely nothing wrong/shameful with that.