What CNC Means for Women

An Interview with Chat Host Edenn

Hello everyone! Thanks for joining us today on the “Discover Your Kinky Self” Podcast! Today I’m chatting with one of our lovely Chathosts on Arousr.com

We’re getting into all the naughty/kinky/filthy details that are related to having a CNC fetish from a female’s perspective.

FF: Hi and Thanks for joining us today! How long have you been using Arousr?

Edenn: Hello. Thanks for having me. I have been using it for going on maybe two years now

FF: Are you getting comfortable?

Yeah, loving it. Absolutely loving it. It’s so much fun.

FF: Do you mind telling the audience it’s where you are currently based?

Edenn: Yes. So I am based in the UK. Wales, to be precise.

FF: Okay, perfect. And how about we just get right into the dirty stuff?

Edenn: Perfect.

FF: When did you first discover you had a CNC fetish or kink?

Edenn: It was one of the first things I ever remember kind of recognizing within myself. Even when I was really very young. The idea kind of made me feel good in a way that I kind of didn’t recognize before. And then obviously when I grew up a little bit and kind of developed a sense of sexuality and recognition that certain things can be fun. And there were things like my first boyfriend kind of held me against my neck and told me he was going to do things to me whether I liked it or not, in a very fun way, in a way that was very consensual in both parties. But there was something about it that was just absolutely intoxicating from there that kind of just grew and grew into something I’ve just really fallen in love with

FF: You’ve always been into it, is what you’re telling me?

Edenn: Yeah. Always. Absolutely. Always. The first time I remember recognizing good myself

FF: That’s cool. Okay. How did you play out your first CNC kink scene?

Edenn: So I guess you kind of touched on it. Was it that boyfriend you had? Yeah, that’s it. Okay. So we kind of fell into it in a way. We had wonderful communication, which I think is vital. And in lots of Kinks, you know, in any sexual interaction, you need good communication. But I think when we look into things like CNC, it’s paramount to know what the boundaries are, to be able to communicate, to know your partner, et cetera. So in that moment, he kind of held me against me by my neck, and he was saying, I’m going to fuck you. I’m going to fuck you in your pussy. Then I’m going to fuck you in your ass, and I’m going to make you suck my cock. And there’s nothing you can do about it. And there was just, like, the power in his eyes and the knowledge that I was completely at his mercy was one of the most incredibly hot and sexy things I’ve ever experienced.

FF: I think this is a good thing to touch on Eden, how he was describing what he was going to do to you in a weird way. It’s like kind of consenting, non consenting, because he’s letting you know what’s about to occur. How is the scene going to play out? He’s not just doing random things to you and you have no idea what is coming. He’s taking control over what he’s going to do to you. Do you think there’s a distinction between that and a guy who thinks he’s playing CNC? Because these things can be dangerous if they’re not done in the right way, clearly.

Edenn:
Right. Lack of communication, lack of confidence, lack of experience is the biggest thing with kink or sex in general.

FF: If a guy is just doing things to you thinking he’s getting kinky CNC play because he’s just doing things to you and you have no idea what’s coming, do you think that lacks consent in that behavior? You know what I mean? Do you see how that could go? It could go two ways. It could be great, or it could be really negative if it’s not something you were prepared for. But by him preparing you for what he was about to do, allowed you to consent, and without saying it, without saying I consent, it was allowing you to consent or not because it’s giving you a moment to maybe say you’re safe word and set a boundary of something you don’t want him doing to you.

Edenn: Absolutely. I completely agree. Having that list of okay, this is what to expect. It is kind of like, are we okay to continue? Yeah.

FF: Okay, great

Edenn: Particularly in situations like this, sometimes communication can get maybe a bit skewed or a bit misinterpreted. Again, with CNC, possibly more so than most other kinks generally, but particularly when in doubt, stop, I think is if there’s even an inkling that the person. You always just isn’t quite responding in a way that you’re expecting or something just doesn’t feel right that you can’t put your finger on, stop, make sure everything is okay. The worst that will happen is that they go, Actually, I’m not 100% comfortable with that thing. Maybe we do this instead. And best case scenario, they’ll be like, no, carry on. I’m having a wonderful time.

FF: This is not to cut you off, but this is why it’s so important. It’s consent. Non consent. It’s not non consent. Do whatever the fuck you want. It is on both sides. Consenting to the non consent role play.

Edenn: Yes, exactly. And that’s the thing. It’s play. You know, this isn’t real life. This isn’t someone genuinely taking control of your body regardless of what you say and regardless of what you do. That’s a very different thing. That’s a very bad thing. It’s two very willing, very consenting adults having fun together and letting their boundaries down and experiencing things that they may be not able to in their day to day life, having that intense power or of course, having that power taken away from them and all these exciting things. And it is always play. I think that’s a really important distinction. The second something feels a bit scary and not in a fun way or a bit too real, that’s when the red lights go on and take a step back.

FF: So true, Eden. All right. When you are sexting or playing out CNC in real life, as someone with more experience, someone such as yourself, how do you plan out your scene to ensure optimal pleasure and stimulation?

Edenn: That is a very case by case. I think, again, if there’s a situation where you are so comfortable with someone that you can read their body language very confidently and there’s that comfort to communicate as well. So you know for sure that everyone will be willing to stop if they want to stop. Sometimes it can be spontaneous. You don’t need to plan. And that’s part of the optimal joy and the optimal pleasure and exhilaration and excitement. The fact that it isn’t planned and it kind of puts you even deeper into that fantasy of, oh, my goodness, what’s going to happen next. And that’s the same with texting as well. You can have that kind of rapport even through writing, if you don’t have that rapport, if you don’t feel comfortable to do that, or if you’re just someone who likes to know what’s going to happen and you prefer that little bit of planning, it’s as simple as talking. Say, what are you comfortable with? What do you really enjoy? What are your fantasies? What would you love me to do? Is there anything you’d like me to surprise you with and just really get to know what each other loves? And then going forward, you know exactly what you can do to get your partner absolutely raring to go. And that in itself is so much fun, and it’s a great way to kind of tackle it.

FF: Great answer, girl. You’re so good. You’re so good at this. It’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t have questions for you. I should just let you talk. But I do have questions for you. So let us continue. Let’s go down the list while I have them here. We got to use them. So the next question for you is describe your most thrilling or exciting experience with CNC thus far. It can be real life. It can be texting or video chatting, whichever one lately or of note, you want to tell our listeners about something hot to happen, go for it.

Edenn:

That is a question. It’s a bit of an interesting one, actually, because there was an experience I had. I was sleeping next to this guy. We weren’t quite in a relationship. We were a little bit more relaxed than that, but we were very familiar with each other. And one of my personal favorite things with CNC, again, you really need confidence for the person you’re with, but things like intoxication things like doing things while the other person is asleep, having that absolute control of someone. So I was sleeping next to him, and I vaguely, vaguely woke up with his hands all over me. He had a hardtack, which was a wonderful thing to wake up to. And he was rubbing it against my ass, evidently trying to go for my asshole and just kind of almost warming me up while I was asleep. And even just in his nature, there was this kind of strength and his power about it. And as he kind of felt the stirring, started to feel me waking up a bit, he kind of amped it up a little bit. And again, he was straight on, and he was like, I’m going to fuck you in the ass, and you’re going to take every single inch. And he did incredibly dominant things. Like he held his hand over my mouth, over my neck, kind of really restrained me. And it was one of the most incredibly hot things I’ve ever experienced. And we were really lucky to have such an incredible connection, I suppose that he knew I would be completely okay with that. And I was absolutely okay with it. And I knew that it’s kind of thrilling and interesting as it was. It wasn’t scary. I never once felt like I was being taken advantage of or kind of in danger or anything like that. Not even a little bit. It was just absolute pleasure. It was really one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced

FF: Love it. Okay. Safe tips for Newbies New to CNC Kink Play Do you have a couple of quick ones you want to share with the world? Safe, quick tips for Kink CNC play communication.

Edenn: I think that’s the one and only one going back to what I said, if there is even the slightest hint. Even if you can’t put your finger on it, you just think something feels wrong. Stop. That’s the biggest thing. Just make sure everyone is 1000% happy.

FF: Okay, Perfect. What are some misconceptions about CNC role play you’ve experienced stigmas around?

Edenn: Oh, there’s a lot. There’s things like the people who are the dominant party, the people who are the ones in the situation that they’re just playing out their dark desires and it’s going to lead them on to maybe genuinely doing something very unpleasant to someone. Not true at all. The people who are the more submissive in the arrangement that they’re damaged or that they’re just being abused or they’re letting someone abuse them or they’re hurting themselves in some way. Not true in any way. It’s one of the most trusting things you can do with a partner. So any suggestion that either party are either a victim or an aggressor, it’s not true. It’s a big misconception.

FF: And that’s why people feel it’s shameful to be into this kind of thing. Because for the woman, I think the woman might feel like, oh, maybe it means maybe it’s tied to some trauma I’ve had in the past, or am I bringing this kind of thing into my life is just like a bad omen for me to be into it? Even though I haven’t had any sort of actual rape happened to me or anyone actually take over my body, I’ve never allowed it to happen to me before. Is this like allowing that into my realm? Is it dirty for me to feel that way? And then for men, it’s like the stigma would be you might be an aggressor, you might go on to rape and pillage your entire town if you’re into this.

Edenn: Exactly. And it’s just not true as well, because I think it can be very complex for those who have experienced sexual assault or sexual abuse in the past, because they’re like, I’ve gone through this. Why am I enjoying it? Why do I want it? Right? And it’s so natural. Like whether it’s giving you the power of your body again, going experiencing again, and helping you process it in a controlled environment, or whether it’s just you happen to enjoy it regardless of what unfortunate things have happened in the past, it’s all so normal and it’s all so okay. And the more we kind of blow away the stigma of it and start talking about it, the more people realize that it’s incredibly normal, regardless of your experiences.

FF: And it’s actually really common. Like, it’s very common it is. It’s much more common when you remove the stigma and shame and public scrutiny around being into fetish and kink. That’s much more common. It’s much more human to react this way to stimuli. That’s all it is.

Edenn: Yeah, exactly. It’s just two people having fun or multiple people having fun. Why limit it to two if you have to?

FF: There we go. There we go. All right. List three reasons why our members or potential new members to Arousr. After listening to this amazing podcast you’ve been an amazing guest on should start a chat session with you?

Edenn: I’m wonderfully open minded. There’s not much I wouldn’t say no to. I have a very good way of words. I can assure you I will paint the picture you want to see in your head and add to it and I’m very sweet and I’m very friendly and you’ll have a very good time with me.

FF: Perfect Eden, as always it’s a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your experiences about CNC Tink and consent in general. You’re dope and I guess bye Adios. We’ll see you soon.

Edenn: Thank you for having me. It’s been a blast.