Why do Women love to be Submissive in bed?

Studies have shown that over 60% of women enjoy being dominated. Yet, it’s still fairly taboo to talk about it publicly.

In last month’s kink education topic we discussed some history as it relates to Femdom culture and how to find a good Dominatrix. It seems only natural that this month we move our focus into gaining more perspective and insights into what it really means to be a submissive. In specific, why do women enjoy playing the submissive role with men in the bedroom?

This is not your typical Fifty Shades of Grey portrayal of what, at times, can be quite a disturbing kink when lines of consent get blurred and people are not confident in their respective roles they play. Public figures such as Marilyn Manson have been accused of taking the Dominant role too far with various actresses in Hollywood. While those claims are yet to be proven true it is an important reminder as to how important it is to be safe and consensual when it comes to adult sex acts.

Being a good submissive means you have a profound understanding and are 100% comfortable giving away your power to your Man. Our findings on this topic may surprise you. Read on to get an in-depth understanding of this fetish. This may be the kink you would like to try when you are equipped with the proper information. Maybe you are a submissive wife to your husband? Or, you are a man looking for ways to explore being dominant in sex play with your partner? You can let us know by the end of this article.

What’s the nature of dominant/submissive relationships?

1. How Do Dominant/Submissive Relationships work?
2. What are some popular submissive games to play?
3. What Famous People are into BDSM?

1. How Do Dominant/Submissive Relationships work?

There are a few key ways to describe Dom/sub-roles. It is very important to understand the language of any culture that is new or that you want to discover. The original word for a Dominant male is “Dominator” and this stems back in time from the Latin word. While this word is no longer in popular use it refers to a man being in control over both men/women.

Now men commonly go by D, Dom, or Dominant in roleplay. In BDSM text itself, the Dominant word is often capitalized to express power over the submissive word which is usually written in lowercase letters to symbolize that relationships power dynamic.

Abbreviated it looks like D/s. This stands for Dominant (D) and submissive (s).

For example, someone online dating might say: “I’m a D looking for an s….”

Translated this says “I’m a Dominant looking for a submissive…”

The submissive gives all power to the Dominant. One is above the other, similar to a hierarchy position of power. The difference here is that being a Dominant does not give you an excuse to be exploitative/abusive. This should not be, but is, often confused with the original “Master/Slave” relationship dynamics. Masters exploited slaves of various races for centuries, it’s actually where BDSM has deeply seeded roots. People were forced into these slave roles whether they liked it or not. The biggest difference in Modern-day Master/Slave roleplay is that while you are each in your respective role 24/7, it is a full-time lifestyle in and out of the bedroom with consent. This also serves as a great distinction between simply being in Dominant/submissive roleplay scenes. Scenes in kink are not 24/7, they end when the roleplay has ended.

Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade, Source: Britannica

Marquis de Sade (pictured above) is an excellent yet equally terrifying example of what not to do in order to remain in a safe/consensual Dominant role with a submissive. Whether it be in fantasy or in a real-life scene his mind is a truly terrible thing to taste. Marquis was a French nobleman, philosopher, politician, writer, and most notably, a Sadist.

He was around from the mid-1700s until 1814 when he died in a mental asylum in France. His name “Sade” is where the term Sadist was derived from. His literary works were also banned in France until 1957. In one of Sade’s most popular books The 120 Day of Sodom he tells a story about 4 wealthy men who enslave 24 underage girls. These men proceeded to torture these girls sexually for the entiry of the book. Feces become involved at various points as well. Everything that is not safe play is written about ad nauseum in his work.

Sade is notable because it goes to show you how we as humans have evolved since these much darker times when it comes to kinky play. The keyword here is “play”, meant to be enjoyable for both parties, not one-sided. BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) has now become a community both just as large and sought after online as it is in real life. Turning torture, submission, slavery, dominance, and pain into something that can now be enjoyed with safe words to assert personal/physical boundaries when things go to far.

2. What are some popular submissive games to play?

Submissive games are an excellent way to flex your dominant muscle or to capitulate to your partner as a female sub. Not all submissive games are created equal, you can enjoy sexual play or mental dominance equally. It all depends on the mood you are in.

Orgasm Denial

This is where your partner does not allow you to orgasm. Bringing an individual so close to orgasm only to stop all sexual play without any notice until it is decided that you can have receive more pleasure by your partner.

Walking on a Leash

In this position, the Dominant will walk their sub on a leash using a collar which is attached to their neck. This can be done both in private/public to add to the humiliation level. Add a fetish dog mask to take it to a higher kink level and get more into the respective roles. You can find a lot of BDSM toys such as this one by doing a quick search on Amazon to order things more discreetly.

Bondage

You can use either rope, silk/satin scarves, or chains to tie up your submissive. Tie them to a bedpost, chair, or a wall if you like then take a break, walk away and leave the house. Come back to them begging you to be released so the tension is high and more pleasurable acts can ensue.

Did these three ideas not pique your interest? There’s a much longer list of ideas you can find in the 23 ways to punish your partner article. These ideas are sure to keep you mixing things up in your roleplay scenes. Keep in mind that you do not always need a partner in person to play out scenes with. Sexting is also an excellent option when you are newer (or novice) to exploring kink and a safe way to get better acquainted with these types of acts. Also, if you cannot find the perfect submissive to act out scenes with playing them out digitally can also satisfy sexual satisfaction.

Madonna released from bondage Source: Sex Book 1992

3. What Famous People are into BDSM?

From your everyday office worker to rock stars, BDSM has no bounds (pun intended) when it comes to the types of people into this lifestyle. Here are a few celebrities and their kink fascination when it comes to playing into the submissive or dominant role.

Dave Navarro: The lead guitarist in Janes Addiction is known for making a guitar strap to bind his partners with. He is also very active in the Los Angeles Kink community, often seen rigging himself from ceilings and hanging from his own skin on meat hooks.

Source: Karen Wiehl

Armie Hammer: Before he was accused of being into cannibalism, Armie Hammer admitted to being dominant, liking to pull hair, and even choking his former wife. He also noted that he would wear his mask from the “Lone Ranger” film with her during sexual encounters.

Source: Vanity Fair

Lady Gaga: In an interview when speaking about her ex-boyfriend Taylor Kinney Lady Gaga reveals that she likes to play the submissive role when she is not on stage. It’s not uncommon to have a very powerful woman enjoy leaning into her submissive side when she is not in her high-powered role in her professional life. The exact same can be said for men in high-power positions at work.

Source: Tumblr

We always love hearing from our readers’ perspectives. Let us know why you enjoy being a submissive woman or a dominant man. Do you enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey or loathe it? Does the history of Marquis de Sade turn you off from BDSM altogether? Would you like to hear more about this topic? Let your voice be heard in the comments section below. Be sure to follow us on our respective Social Media Channels for daily updates. Stay kinky!

Additionally, there are some excellent sources from the research we did on this topic below to give you more insights.

Sources:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/11/03/study-up-to-60-percent-of-women-fantasize-about-being-dominated/
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2015/02/consent-isnt-enough-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/385267/ 
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychological-aspects-of-bdsm-0606124